Having a conversation with aging parents about estate planning can feel uncomfortable, but it’s important to start the conversation, not only to put documents in place, but to understand your parent’s wishes and help ensure they are respected when it matters most.
Start the Conversation Early
Timing is critical. These discussions should begin before a health crisis or incapacity concerns. Milestones such as retirement, the purchase or sale of property, or major life changes can provide a natural opening. Even if your parent is initially resistant, early conversations allow time to revisit decisions as circumstances change.
Approach the topic with empathy and respect. Focus on shared goals, such as minimizing conflict, being prepared, and helping to ensure your parent’s wishes are followed. Simple, thoughtful questions can open the door without making it feel like a financial interrogation. The conversation should feel supportive, not intrusive.
Make it an Ongoing Discussion
Estate planning is not a one-time discussion. Ontario documents, such as Wills, Powers of Attorney for Property, and Powers of Attorney for Personal Care may need updating as circumstances change. Plan regular check-ins (every 1–2 years) to confirm your parents’ wishes and their legal documents remain current. These follow-ups also provide an opportunity to address questions before they become urgent.
Cover the Essentials
Key topics should address both legal and practical matters under Ontario law:
- Wills: Who will be appointed as Estate Trustee? How are assets to be distributed?
- Powers of Attorney: Who does your parent trust to make financial and personal care decisions, if needed?
- Healthcare wishes: Preferences for medical treatment, long-term care, and end-of-life decisions.
- Assets and finances: Location of key financial information, such as bank accounts, investments, insurance policies, etc…
- Special situations: Blended families, disabilities, or business interests
Open, ongoing conversations about estate planning are a meaningful way for adult children to support their aging parents. Starting gently, approaching the topic thoughtfully, and following up consistently, can provide clarity, help reduce stress, and better position families to carry out a parent’s wishes as intended.
This blog post was written by Joanne Lahey, a member of the Wills and Estates team. She can be reached at (613) 566-2067 or at [email protected].
